DC people are WEIRD

Preppy guy: Do you have the green stuff?
Preppy girl: No, I don't have the green stuff.
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Drunk guy, on cell: Meet me at.. fucking.. wherever. Fuck this, fool. We have 6 guys. I love you, brother.
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Preppy guy, sincerely: And I don't even care if she's attractive.

Few are

Me: Wow, those girls are really laughing it up in there.
Friend: Yeah, they must be on something. He's not that funny.

Quiz Bowlers Gone Wild

Teammate #1: Are you sure that's right?
Teammate #2: Just go with it! We don't have time!
Teammate #1: Uh, yeah we do.. we have 15 seconds..
Teammate #1: No, we don't! We need points!

Unintentionally hilarious

Me, to girl getting free drinks from female bartender: Is she a friend?
Girl, after laughing hysterically: Yes, she's a friend.

The kind that's free?

Random Girl: What kind of hooker says that?

That's not how it works

Random guy: They picked me to be the designated driver, and I was the only one who had drinks! (pause) It was an interesting night.

Tossin in his grave

Girl: George Washington was the perfect sort of leader, the kind who doesn't want the glory or credit. (pause) Kinda like Harry Potter.