Daily Grind

Co-worker #1: I worked 80 hours this week, and it's not even over yet.
Co-worker #2: That's why you make the big bucks.
(loud laughter across the whole office)
--
Co-worker #1: Have a great weekend, Cathy*!
Cathy*: Well, tomorrow we're having a call.. (trails off)
Passing co-worker: No chance of that..

Note to self: Find new haircut place.

Crazy hairstylist, laughing, as cord from buzzer wraps around my neck: I'm so sorry! I'm not trying to kill you! ... strangle you.

Highlight of the day

[during conference call with outside consultant, who mispronounces common industry acronym]
Employee, not realizing he's not on mute: Are we paying for this?!?
[awkward silence]
Employee: I mean... I love you guys!

Actually, I have no idea what it is

Guy #1, reading Guy #2's shirt: What's the House of Representatives?
Guy #2, in disbelief: You don't know what the House is?
Guy #1: Oh, the House! I know what the House is.. Do you work there?
Guy #2: Yeah, I do IT work for them.
[later]
Guy #1: So, do you work for the government?

Everyone?

Random girl: Dude, everyone has the fucking swine flu! Get over it!

Well, that too

Me: I never got my new name tag.
Senior VP: Oh, you didn't? I thought you were just being obnoxious.

And you still did it?

Random Metro guy #1: Paul? I thought you looked familiar!
Random Metro guy #2: Yeah, man. You pissed on my house.
RMG #1: Oh yeah! I pissed on your house! I remember that!