Ahh. racism

White poker player: You don't like the white chips?
Black poker player: Nope. There's too many of them, they take up too much space and they're not worth much. [Pause] Just like white people.

Maybe that's why

Co-worker #1: I'm glad we're doing it.
Me: Yeah, I think it's a great idea.
Co-worker #2: It was YOUR idea!
Me: Yeah.

What, rape isn't funny?

Me, about coworkers: They just have a very different sense of humor than me.
My sister: Most people do.

Not a romantic, are you?

Chick, after watching Romeo and Juliet: I never liked Titanic either. It's all fun and games while you're on the boat, but what happens afterwards? Leo's character was an artist and lived under a bridge, and she was high-maintenance. Do you think she'd be okay with living under a bridge?!?