I see how it is

Text, 8:11pm: No im pretty tired tonight [and won't be coming out] thanks though
.........
Text, 8:31pm: I got talked into smoking some hookah.. wanna come?

A much better view

Chick, with really nice ass: I feel sorry for the people behind me. They have to look at my butt.

Sometimes it helps, most of the time it hurts

Chick: That's what I like about you, Sumeet. You don't censor yourself. You say exactly what's on your mind.

That's punny

Co-worker: You're the only person I've met who doesn't laugh at my puns.
Me: Sorry, most of them are just too obvious. They need to be more clever.

Hot

Chick: Yeah, this group doesn't really work without Sumeet.

Oh, how little you know me...

CEO: I know you're a vegetarian, but do you drink beer?
-----
Me: Yeah, lap dances are usually $20.
Co-worker: That's funny that Sumeet knows that...