TMI

Real estate agent: My husband has a fetish for flashlights.

Hells yeah

Project manager: We should have hired Sumeet 3 years ago.

Well, avoided that question.. for now

9-year-old cousin, watching tennis: What does 'ho' mean?
Aunt: He's saying 'out'.

Touche

[at an empty bar in NYC]
Cousin: Do yall want to go somewhere more lively?
Me, skeptically: Is the bar across the street lively?
Cousin: Well, it can't be any less lively...

Wait, do I even work "here"?

Cashier #1: Hey, what are you doing tomorrow at 6?
Cashier #2: Working.
Cashier #1: Here?
Cashier #2: Yeah..
Cashier #1: I thought we closed at 5.
Cashier #2: We do?

HR lady, during committee meeting: I don't know if it was here, or in a future life...
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Asian, engaged female to married frat guy: Do you want the head?
Frat guy, with shocked look on his face: Uh, you'd have to clear that with my wife..
[entire poker table laughs]
Asian female: THE head. I said THE head! I hate all of you.

Fun over IM!

Me: i noticed that u and arash finally became facebook friends
Sister: haha that was solely for the party invitation
i'm pretty sure he'll revoke it afterwards
i wrote the entire invite, created it, posted links, everything and then he couldn't invite me!
haha
Me: oh, u can only invite your friends?
weird
i guess that makes sense in real life though
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Me: so what do u think they should have done with all the jews [instead of creating Israel]?
Friend: finished killing them
KIDDING!
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PM's friend: I have to change my shirt, I spilled coffee on it
PM: It's not a date
Take it easy
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Friend: have you told any of your dallas honeys that you're coming to town?
Me: yeah, they want to meet for lunch
Friend: who's they?
Me: haha, sue and mary.. i assumed that who's you meant
Friend: well, you have so many, i just wanted some clarification