Actually, I have no idea what it is

Guy #1, reading Guy #2's shirt: What's the House of Representatives?
Guy #2, in disbelief: You don't know what the House is?
Guy #1: Oh, the House! I know what the House is.. Do you work there?
Guy #2: Yeah, I do IT work for them.
[later]
Guy #1: So, do you work for the government?

Everyone?

Random girl: Dude, everyone has the fucking swine flu! Get over it!

Well, that too

Me: I never got my new name tag.
Senior VP: Oh, you didn't? I thought you were just being obnoxious.

And you still did it?

Random Metro guy #1: Paul? I thought you looked familiar!
Random Metro guy #2: Yeah, man. You pissed on my house.
RMG #1: Oh yeah! I pissed on your house! I remember that!

Tour guide: Are you from here?
25-year-old friend: Yeah, but I'm about to move to Colorado.
Tour guide: Oh, for college?

Great, everyone thinks I'm crazy

[A co-worker and I had camped out in my boss' office for some group testing. He stepped out of the office for a minute, and my boss came back in.]
Me, after boss walks into his office: We can leave.
Boss: No, it's okay. (pause) You're the only one in here.
Boss' boss: Maybe it's time to start thinking about vacation.
---
[My boss left, my co-worker and I had done some testing, and then he left to get his laptop fixed. My boss came back later.]
Boss: Are your friends still here?

Flattered or offended?

New co-worker: Were you brought up in the US?
Me: Yeah.
New co-worker: I can tell by your accent! You sound just like my daughter.