Can't hide the inner pedophile

Co-worker #1: It's just a minor issue.
Co-worker #2: I like it minor.

Same diff

Co-worker, explaining script: And this line gets the data from the beginning of time. [pause] More accurately, since March.

I actually was listening

Sister: You can meet Stan's girlfriend, too.
Me: [silent]
Sister: She's really friendly.
Me: [silent]
Sister: And really funny.
Me: [silent]
Sister: She's pretty attractive too.
Me: Oh really?
Sister: I knew you would do that!

Black guy, after Obama wins: Obama! Now I finally feel like an American!
Black guy, after seeing me and my Indian friend: Someday there will be an Indian president.
Me: Maybe.

It's funny cause it's true

Karaoke DJ: What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her [female reproductive organ]? [pause] Only half the stuff that comes out of her [female reproductive organ] is retarded.

TMI

Real estate agent: My husband has a fetish for flashlights.

Hells yeah

Project manager: We should have hired Sumeet 3 years ago.