Unintentionally hilarious

Me, to girl getting free drinks from female bartender: Is she a friend?
Girl, after laughing hysterically: Yes, she's a friend.

The kind that's free?

Random Girl: What kind of hooker says that?

That's not how it works

Random guy: They picked me to be the designated driver, and I was the only one who had drinks! (pause) It was an interesting night.

Tossin in his grave

Girl: George Washington was the perfect sort of leader, the kind who doesn't want the glory or credit. (pause) Kinda like Harry Potter.

In other words, no.

Girl: Yeah, but she was still pretty attractive, right?
Guy: Well, in certain sorts of ways..

Me three

Cube dweller: Are there any plans to have a team-building activity outside of work?
Director of SoftDev: Well, my favorite activity is drinking.
(a few minutes later)
Director of Operations: My favorite activity is drinking too.